Friends

You ever talk about the people whose blogs you read as “someone you know” because you don’t know what other category they’ll fit in and you don’t want to let on that you read blogs because the next question people will ask is “Do you have a blog and if so can I read it”? The Hostess and I read some of the same blogs and often when we’re with the crew we might mention something someone blogged about or a situation someone who blogs was in and I always feel a bit awkward when trying to explain the person I’m talking about.

It appears that Friends and Friendship is the topic du jour on blogs (the Hostess’) and on GMA. It’s made me reflect a bit about my own friendships and how they’ve evolved over the years as my friends and I grow older, relocated to different cities and are living our adult lives.

When I was a kid, my best friend was the daughter of one of my mom’s friends. Although she was 18 months older then me we played together and hung out from the moment I could walk until my freshman year in H.S when our friendship just drifted apart. I was the nerd, the goody two shoes who got good grades and didn’t do anything to get in trouble while she was the rebel, the one who hung out with boys from around the way (i.e; thugged out drug dealers). We started drifting apart when we were still in the same junior high but when she moved to H.S we stopped hanging out together period. My mom would always wonder what was wrong and why I never called Mickey and I didn’t know what to say. In reality Mickey stopped returning my phone calls, or when we chatted she made it obvious with her attitude that she didn’t have time for me. I was extremely hurt but realized that it was probably for the best because I didn’t care for the ghetto folks she started hanging around. A few years later I finally told my mom why Mickey and I were no longer friends. Mickey died in 2002 rather unexpectedly and I do regret not even at least trying to keep in touch when I returned to Brooklyn after college.

When I was in H.S and even college I spoke to my friends every day, several times a day. I remember my mom asking me in H.S if I didn’t see a friend at school because I was on the phone with them for 3 hours several times a week. I don’t even remember what was so important or what we even talked about for so long. Now I don’t expect to spend so much time with friends on the phone, we all have busy lives, work, relationships etc and all that takes up time. I have a few good friends some I’ll even consider best friends scattered around the country and at times I don’t talk to them for weeks and when I’m traveling it’s even longer then that. I don’t get upset when I haven’t heard from them for a while because I can always pick up the phone and call them. These are people that I know will do what they can if I need help. They also understand when I can’t accommodate their wants or needs and understand that I will when I can. I feel that friendships should be a give and take relationship and should also be easy. It shouldn’t be a burden but a blessing.