Monday, December 11, 2006

Friendship

How many of us have them. I’ve been thinking about friends and friendships a lot lately and no wonder since it’s all over the internet and on everyone’s blogs. Falling out also seems to be a regular occurrence both in real life and in the blog world.

I don’t think I’ve been mad enough at a true friend to have a falling out with them but I have had a true friend stop speaking to me several times because of something she felt I did to her. She stops speaking to me at least once every two years and when she lived in DC it was at least once every six months I often wonder why she even bothers to continue the friendship. She’s also next level with the drama so I sometimes try to stay clear since I try to lead a drama free life. I’ve had friendships that over time have dwindled only to be re ignited once both or one of us decides to reach out to the other on a regular basis.

Sometimes distance is especially hard and if both people don’t put in the effort to keep in touch and update then it will just slide. I have a friend who lives in Las Vegas who isn’t an oldest and dearest friend from grade school but is one I made about 5 years ago. We hung out and spoke often when she lived in DC but now that she moved our friendship has continued but on an every other month catch up session. I actually have a few friends from H.S and college who I don’t speak to every day or even every week but still consider good friends and know if I needed something they’d do what they could for me. Sometimes we loose touch with people because we’ve outgrown each other or no longer have enough in common to sustain a true friendship. I was talking to a friend on IM tonight and she asked about a mutual friend that she no longer talks to. She said something to me that made me pause and think for a moment, “sometimes I think friends go through so much together there is nowhere to go but apart. Sometime you find your way back sometimes you don’t.” That and other aspects of our conversation reminded me that sometimes the level of friendship you have with someone in your mind and with your actions isn’t the one they have with you.

I’ve been thinking about my best friend from HS lately. I haven’t spoken to her in almost 9 years and lately I’ve wondered what she’s up to. If she’s married, has a child, if her family still lives in the same place. I can’t think of what really drew us apart except to say we grew apart; maybe a different out look on life and different directions. I’ve been thinking about calling her for the last six months but haven’t made an effort to. I think I still know her number by heart; I called it almost every day for the four years that we were in HS together.

Edit: I just called my friend from HS and she was so excited to hear from me. Just like I have, she's been thinking about me on and off for the last 9 years. She still lives in the same apartment and has the same phone number that I remember from HS (NYC's never move I swear!) lol! We're meeting for lunch next week when I go up for the holidays.

11 comments:

CreoleInDC said...

You should call her Honest. I think it will be a good thing to catch up with her.

Hostess said...

I'm torn over the whole friend thing. I used to be the one who reached out. But then one day I realized people never called me. So then I stopped calling.

Safa said...

I think about friendships a lot as well...I could've written your post. After lamenting drifted and lost relationships, I just accepted the fact that people enter our lives for different reasons and at different times. Sometimes it's only for a specified time, to learn a specific lesson, or to have a particular experience. I am the friend that NEVER let go. I will call, write, etc just so ties won't be broken. There were a few people who never returned calls or emails so I just stopped. I don't even feel bad anyore.

Anonymous said...

Yep, what Safa said...people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. That's the bottom line. But I'm glad you reconnected w/ your HS bff it is always nice to catch up.

Cool AC

Buck said...

That's great. I think my best friends from HS are either dead, in jail or on drugs. Sad.

c2a said...

How fun! I hope you guys have a great time catching up.

Luke Cage said...

I had a best friend of over 20 plus years and when I tell you that she was the kind of friend that anyone would love to have as a friend, I am not lying.

Unfortunately a few years ago, we had one of those 'things' that happen, that began very innocently at first, devoid of pain and anger, but somehow got out of control and the next thing you know, 3 years later and we still haven't talked to eachother.

In fairness to her, she has tried to reach out and I've been the stubborn one. I thought long and hard and came to the conclusion, even if we were to patch things up, so many things came out of that from our separation.

Her husband and I probably won't be tolerating eachother much (even though nothing directly happened between us, but come on. I had an issue with his wife so...) and I'm not into fairweather friendships.

Aside from missing her, I miss her kids. I mean, I REALLY miss her kids. I used to baby sit them when my friend and her husband needed some quality time to do things together without the kids around. I watched them grown from little tykes to 5 and 7 year olds respectively. I can only imagine what they look like now. Very sad though because I think of her often just to see what she and her kids are doing..

Lola Gets said...

Congrats on re-connecting with an old friend!

truthhurts said...

I am glad that you wrote on this topic. It has motivated me. I am one of those slacker friends (as if real friends could be slackers). I need to stop taking my friends for granted 'cause you're right-- the relationship you have with your friend may not be the one they have with you. Although I think they know I'd do anything if they needed me, I have to SHOW them. Thank you.

sunnchine said...

I'm glad you called her. Especially if there was nothing bad that made you two drift apart...just the natural "life getting in the way" thing that sometimes makes keeping in touch difficult. Hope you guys have a great lunch!

I often remember that saying "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Not every relationship was meant to last forever, but they do serve their purpose in your life for the time they are in your life, and vice versa.

Emmie Johnson said...

I must say that friends are an inevitable part of our lives...the more the merrier